why.

Why?

Lately I've been haunted by the question of why? I'm living in a city that is full of people. All different styles, attitudes, colors, sizes, beliefs, struggles, lives. And I sit and watch as the car full of the family turns the corner and heads home, as green-peace solicitor makes eye contact with every possible person and follows with the question "could I have a second of your time?", as the couple walks hand in hand pushing each other back and forth in flirtation, and as the clock tower sings out with the passing of the next hour. 

So many lives. So many stories. So many.

But why?

I've been doing a study for my internship that pleads the point "don't waste your life" and each day I awake asking myself if the night before was wasted. I wonder if I'll ever be satisfied with the answer. 

I'm at Starbucks now, where I just ordered my 6 pump toffee-nut late and a banana that came to somewhere around $4.50. I can't help but ask myself if that's a waste. 

So why?

Then the book "A Long Way Gone" by Ishmael Beah comes to mind. The first hand account of boy growing up amidst a horrifying 23 year long war in which he witnessed deaths in forms unimaginable. I wonder if he asks the question why? Why was he fortunate enough to break away into the freedom of America?

Why?

Why do I sit in the comfort of Austin, Texas, sipping my late, typing on my mac book, missing my home that I know I'll return to? Why has my life consisted of warm Christmas's and nice clothes and easy access churches? Why me? Why do I have this aching in my heart to know and understand and love a God that I will never comprehend, while millions of other people could absolutely care less? Why?

I've decided that i can ask why all that I want to, but I don't think I'll ever find those answers until I'm face to face with my creator.

 However, I realize that it was not by accident that I was placed where I am today. 

So I've come to the conclusion that the only valid response to this all, to all of this blessing that consumes my life, is to turn around and bless the world. Austin, Lancaster, America, the world. 

So Why? I have no idea. 

But we have to let that drive us, not hinder us. 

I have to let that drive me, not hinder me.

My Austin Journey #1

I’ve been in Austin, Texas for about two and half weeks and God has already been teaching me some amazing things!

The city is gorgeous. The people are kind and courteous. It’s an all around great city. So I sit upstairs in a coffee shop directly across from the UT campus and continue to stand in awe of life and how it works. Things happen fast. One minute we’re in one place and the next we’re in a place we never expected. It happens so fast.

I’ve definitely felt many feelings of being homesick. I’ve sat and contemplated why I’m even here over several days. Why do I find myself thousands of miles away from home for my entire summer not completely knowing what tomorrow will bring or what will be asked of me. I questioned a lot.

But as I sit listening to “All I Need” by Bethany Dillon and reflect on the past few weeks, I can’t help but recognize my sense of vanity. Is God truly “all I need?” Why am I honestly here? Is it really just for my self -profit?

 No. I am here for the purpose of glorifying God in all the ways I can and for simply following where I felt Him leading me. Yeah, it’s definitely hard. It’s hard leaving the comfort of my home, the familiarity of my community, the arms of those I love. But I’d rather be in the center of God’s will than any place I thought was my home. Glory be to God!

I’ve learned so much since I arrived in Austin. I’ve realized that the road we travel is narrow. It takes perseverance and faith.

The kids that I have had the opportunity to work with so far have challenged me in so many ways. I arrived at camp with the ideal mindset of campfire worship songs and even somewhat had the expectation of dealing with church raised children that have been brainwashed with the bible, sadly, much like we see with most Christian communities today. My eyes were quickly opened. I saw heavy hearts, distant minds, and broken lives. Could it be that this girl’s father resides in jail and her mother died when she was young while all the anger in the world resides within her? Could it be true that these two share the same hurtful father that continues to hit? Could It actually be true that all that some of these kids feel is the need to fight with one another and blame there home life on the world around them and the God that made it? It’s true. This is about far more than myself.

I sat in tears the night that my group of girls laughed and mocked the idea of actually talking about this “story” of a man named Jesus. “How could there actually be that much apathy in a child?” I thought. My first response was to say everything I possibly could that would show them the greatness of God. One of the most important things I learned though, was that isn’t my job. No one can truly pull another soul into the relationship with our Father other than our Father himself. So, I loved them. All I can do is love them; is lavish them in the same love my savior shows me everyday. We’re called to be lights unto the world. I am called to be a light.

My prayer is that I will shine as bright I can possibly can in this city, in these kids’ lives, in even one kid’s life.

So I sit upstairs in a coffee shop directly across from the UT campus and continue to stand in awe of life and how it works and how God works.

I’m so thankful that I’m loved.

 

FIRST BLOG!!

Hello.
So I decided I needed to start blogging. It's the latest thing to do. Of course.

Hopefully this will help to fill you all in on how the music is coming along and what's the latest with where I'll be and what I'm doing. I have so many things going on in my head lately, so it'll be nice to have a specific place I can flee to and simply write it all out. My songs are a significant part of my thoughts, but so much goes unsaid. It's dying to be expressed.
Therefore, I will be blogging.
It's the latest thing:)

haha, hope all is well everyone and I will be back quite soon!
thanks.