why.

Why?

Lately I've been haunted by the question of why? I'm living in a city that is full of people. All different styles, attitudes, colors, sizes, beliefs, struggles, lives. And I sit and watch as the car full of the family turns the corner and heads home, as green-peace solicitor makes eye contact with every possible person and follows with the question "could I have a second of your time?", as the couple walks hand in hand pushing each other back and forth in flirtation, and as the clock tower sings out with the passing of the next hour. 

So many lives. So many stories. So many.

But why?

I've been doing a study for my internship that pleads the point "don't waste your life" and each day I awake asking myself if the night before was wasted. I wonder if I'll ever be satisfied with the answer. 

I'm at Starbucks now, where I just ordered my 6 pump toffee-nut late and a banana that came to somewhere around $4.50. I can't help but ask myself if that's a waste. 

So why?

Then the book "A Long Way Gone" by Ishmael Beah comes to mind. The first hand account of boy growing up amidst a horrifying 23 year long war in which he witnessed deaths in forms unimaginable. I wonder if he asks the question why? Why was he fortunate enough to break away into the freedom of America?

Why?

Why do I sit in the comfort of Austin, Texas, sipping my late, typing on my mac book, missing my home that I know I'll return to? Why has my life consisted of warm Christmas's and nice clothes and easy access churches? Why me? Why do I have this aching in my heart to know and understand and love a God that I will never comprehend, while millions of other people could absolutely care less? Why?

I've decided that i can ask why all that I want to, but I don't think I'll ever find those answers until I'm face to face with my creator.

 However, I realize that it was not by accident that I was placed where I am today. 

So I've come to the conclusion that the only valid response to this all, to all of this blessing that consumes my life, is to turn around and bless the world. Austin, Lancaster, America, the world. 

So Why? I have no idea. 

But we have to let that drive us, not hinder us. 

I have to let that drive me, not hinder me.